I was trying to update my computer and it told me I had to restart it so I did and that blue screen came up that said "Updating 1 of 21" ahhhhh! 10 minutes later I'm sitting staring at this page that still was updating 1 of 21 and I decided instead of going crazy by just sitting there I would pray today's entry in the total consecration to Mary. Heavy and beautiful words as always. When I finished the litanies my computer was sitting at 6 of 21. I decided this gave me an opportunity to pray my rosary so I set my computer over on my desk, shut my light off and laid back on my bed. I prayed the first decade and then I opened my eyes before starting the second so I wouldn't doze off before finishing and my room was covered in blue light.
I guess that slow loading was a gift after all. The blueness of everything kept me focused on the rosary because I heard Mary looked pretty spiffy in blue. There came a revelation from this too though.
If you follow my blog at all you know that my Marian devotion is new, really new. I've been praying my rosary every day for about three months and I'm really starting to get to know her and to know her is to love her. She has been slowly showing me how much she cares for me and in this long computer update I learned something new.
This blue light covered everything in my room; without it I would've been completely blind to what everything was. Could I see everything perfectly? No but much better than otherwise. Mary is like that blue light. Without it we can be sitting in the dark not knowing what's going on, not knowing what God wants of us. Is that because their is something wrong with us? No of course not, but God chose to use Mary to bring His Son to us and I don't know why that would stop at the Resurrection. At Christmas Jesus comes to us through Mary, because He loves us and He uses her gentleness and simplicity to come without bringing fear upon us. At the wedding feast Mary again is the one who brings Christ to us when He begins his public ministry. At the Crucifixion Mary does not fight with the fact that her Son has to die to save us. She willed for that sacrifice when she said yes to the Angel at the Annunciation. Today Mary still brings her Son to us, not because we can't pray otherwise, not because we think she's God no no no it is because He loves her and she is our Mother. The Lord Jesus still comes to us through the loving hands of His Mother.
We are not meant to be alone, we are communal beings and in that we very much need to be in communion with our Mother. I've gotten very close to her Immaculate heart in the last few months and do you know what you can find in the heart of Mary? Her Son. Her will is united with His in heaven. It just so happens we have the gift of having Mary as our Mother and friend to lead us to Love, to her Son. She has been guiding me for a very long time and it is just recently that I have begun to notice and thank her. She's even using those pesky happenings of impatience in me.
I didn't know why I needed Mom but I think that's the wrong question. It's kinda like asking why do we have to go to Mass on Sunday. I always correct my CCD students when they ask that with a quick, "Why do we get to go to Mass on Sunday?" The same thing goes for Mom; it's not why we need her, but how did we get so lucky to have her. That reason my dear brothers and sisters is because Jesus loves us.
Albeit is easier said than done to grow a relationship with Our Lady I think I have realized one of the reasons it was so difficult at first for me to love her:
We live in community in the truest sense of the word at the seminary and every seminarian wants to be a part of everything his brothers are doing, and they always want to help. For instance, I'm playing poker with some guys, not gambling don't worry ;), and there is a seminarian walking down the hall and he comes to look over my shoulder at my hand, no big deal. However he starts to give me advice on what to do with this hand and I start holding my cards close to my chest. I let him know I don't want his advice I can handle it on my own. I could handle it on my own, either I win the hand or I don't. If I don't, maybe his advice would've helped. Even if his advice would've been the same as what I already planned on doing it doesn't hurt to get that second opinion. I think with our lives we keep our hands close to our chest because we are afraid of someone telling us what to do but with Mary, she truly does know best because she is in perfect union with our Lord in heaven. Maybe her advice in our lives wouldn't be different than the path we are already taking but it can't hurt to allow that second opinion, especially because Mary is a poker legend in the spiritual life.
I know a lot of good and holy Catholics who have strong love for our Lord and they try their best to do what it is that He wants of them. It's admirable, I very much look up to those holy people but if you are one of those holy people, and yet you don't know Mary all that well, Jesus gave you her and vice versa as a gift, not a burden. Accept that gift and let her accept you because in that, fruit will grow.
I want to leave you with a song that we seminarians love to sing after Night Prayer called "Lady of Confidence" and its not just because it is a short hymn; it's cuz its awesome.
It goes like this:
"Lady of Confidence, Mother of all, teach me and lead me into His thirst, so I may come to know God's only Son. Lady of Confidence, Mother of all."
Take some time and talk to her even if it's as simple as the first prayer I offered up in September:
"Mary, I don't know you but I think I'd like to."
God bless all of you this week. Know of my prayers for you and my continued petitioning of Momma Mary to keep you close.